Herman van Dyck’s testimony
June, 1975
Well, you’d better get settled. […] It’s quite a long story.
I was born a Roman Catholic, and I was a [...] Catholic. I was altar boy from my 8th 'til my 14th year, serving the priest at the altar daily. And I could touch the golden doors of the tabernacle. I know my Lord Jesus was behind these golden doors, but only the priest could open them. And until my 14th year, I faithfully served God at the altar. [It was my] intention to become a priest and be a missionary. I’d gladly shed my blood for the Lord.
But then I began to go to the library. And there I learned so many facts contrary to the teachings I had been observing, that I had to give up my beloved religion. And at our home, they were all strictly Catholic. Every night at 6 o’clock, the whole family, servants and all, got on their knees to pray the rosary. But that became so… such a habit, I could do part of my homework while answering the prayers. Sometimes [themes?] I could translate, and still answer the prayers.
And so it was not real. I gave up my belief not only in the church, but I began to doubt the existence of God Himself. Not denying God – I couldn’t – how could I deny God? I did not believe that the God I always had worshiped was real. I considered God as a great power –
Bigger than the wind, for I could feel the wind,
Bigger than gravitation - I also could feel gravitation,
Bigger than lightning – a greater power.
For the spark of life I found was not spontaneous; it had to be created, and all the other forces had to be created – they did not come of themselves. So that greater power was considered God – just a force. I could not define that force – I cannot define lightning either. I know the manifestations of all that, but I could not describe them. I was between 16 and 17 years old.
I heard other people say they knew God. How do you know God? How come that I don’t know him? Does God play favorites? Does a Father play favorites with his children, that you know him and I don’t? You say you do the will of God; I would do the will of God if I [knew] Him - not for fear of hell or for gain of heaven; that would be striking a bargain. I would do God’s will like a child does the will of his father – out of love for creating me. But I don’t know Him.
And so I struggled on. I did not want to stay home and be a black sheep among all the lily white sheep, for I would not lie or pretend. So I found a trade. I must find a trade that does not disgrace my family -- not become a [...] and walk around in [...]men’s clothes. So I became a pastry baker – that was rather… okay. You mustn’t forget that in Europe, class distinction at that time was very strict.
In that job, I lived in with the family. So I did not have to stay home – although I was in the same hometown. And in that family – that was a Protestant family – the Bible was read every afternoon at dinner time with the whole family present. A chapter was read every afternoon of the Bible, and I became acquainted with the Bible. For the Bible was a forbidden book in Catholic homes. The average Catholic was not considered able to interpret the Bible; only the priest was able to interpret the Bible, not the average person. I wasn’t even allowed to play with Protestant boys, for they had Bibles in their homes, and I might be contaminated. Well, I was two years in that family, and I learned all about the Bible, which we read twice through.
Still it did not help me. It was 63 years I lived on like that.
Until I became blind, and I had to go to a hospital – Bellevue. But that was a hospital that did not keep long-term patients. I was sent to a state hospital – Central Islip. This is also a hospital mainly for mentally unbalanced people – a mental hospital it is called – that was a state hospital. There I was examined if an operation could cure my blindness. And it was found that wasn’t possible. After about two months observation, I was declared incurable.
Now what to do with me? I was blind; they would not set me out the door and say, “Now go your way” – I had no place to go. (I… forgot tell you that I… had joined the Merchant Marine in these 63 years. And so I had come to America, and I was already 30 years here in America when blindness struck me.) I had acquaintances but not close friends who would take me in. I had been married, but my wife and child had died in childbirth, [...] I had not remarried; I remained single.
And so, finally, a great institution opened up [Burrwood Industrial Home for the Blind]. They came to that hospital to see if any of the 14,000 patients there [were] eligible to enter that home. One had to be in perfect health, and of course, mentally as well. I was only one of the four […] blind people selected to go to this home. And I stayed there for 3 years and 3 months. But I could not adjust myself to group living. And I wanted to be in a home where I could live my own life. Like “we all go walking” or “we all do this” or “we all do that” – I had always been independent, and now that was difficult for me.
I came to what I thought was a rest home, but it turned out to be a nursing home. And for 3 years, I was in that nursing home. But I stated right from the beginning that I considered myself not a patient – just a resident. I would not have a medical record, I would not be attended by a doctor, etc., and that already was contrary to the institution. Always it was a little difficult with these people – a nursing home. And so the proprietor wanted to get rid of me after 3 years.
It was the 31st of May, 1963 – no, 1966 – I had been 3 years in that home. After 6 o’clock, after supper, and I heard there was a double header of the baseball team – the Yankees and some other team – and I was going to listen to that. I lay on top of my bed in my pajamas, listening to the ball game, when a knock on the door caught my attention. And there was a doctor.
He said, “How are you?”
I said, “I feel fine. What is it you want doctor? You know I’m not your patient.”
“Well,” he said, “I just want to know how you are.”
I said, “I feel just fine. Will you leave and close the door, please. I’m listening to the ball game.”
He went away…15 minutes later, a nurse comes in – the night nurse, with two male attendants. I said, “What is all this? I’m listening to the ball game. I don’t want no disturbance. I want no nurse. I didn’t ask for anything.”
“I came to give you an injection,” she said.
“An injection?! What for?”
“To calm you down,” she said.
I said, “Get out of here. I don’t need no calming down. I’m listening to the ball game. What’s the matter with you?”
But these men get a hold of me, they gave me an injection, and they put a straitjacket on me – tied my arms behind me, and I was rushed out the back way to that mental hospital. That drug would have to work, and I was so excited, I didn’t know what to do -- what was the matter? In my pajamas, I sat in that car, only my cane – that’s all I had. I came to that hospital, they registered me, and they put me to bed.
And there I lay in my agony, abandoned, I felt, by everybody. How would my friends know I was there? I was in such agony in that bed with the gates all up, I couldn’t even climb out. I was in the mental hospital! In my agony, I did not know which way to turn! How was I, a sane person, in a mental hospital, doors all locked behind me, and in my agony, I cried out, that if there is God, then now help me! I cried out… and then came calm.
I said, “God’s here.” I became calm and began to recognize then that there was a God. Then I knew there was a God. I felt calm. After all that agony, all of a sudden, a peace came over me I had never known. In all these 63 years, all this doubting, always not knowing which was which, and now I knew. I had rest. I slept good that night, and in the morning, I was allowed to […] corridor, and somebody called my name.
I said, “Who is this?”
“I’m the doctor,” he said, “who examined you several years ago. I saw your name on the list of incoming patients, and I wondered how you came here.”
I said, “Doctor, I was railroaded here.”
“Come in my office,” he said, “and tell me all about it.”
I told him all that had occurred to me, that that woman had railroaded me in that mental hospital -- out of anger, to get rid of me. Remember, that was at 6 o’clock on the 31st of May – six more hours, and a new month would begin, and she would have to keep me for another month. She was clever.
“Yes,” he said, “I understand. But wait ‘til Medicare comes in, Mr. van Dyck, and the [...]. Now, I want you to sign this paper. You don’t have to.”
I said, “What does it signify, doctor?”
He said, “You trust me?
I said, “Absolutely.”
“Have I ever lied to you?”
“No,” I said. I said, “I have never lied to you, doctor.”
“I know,” he said, “that’s why I want you to sign this paper. It signifies that you have committed yourself, and now you can go out in two months. And you have the freedom of the place. You are not my patient,” he said, “you are my guest.” God was working for me now. God was working – how I felt that! You understand? “You can go out for 10 days,” he said, “or 5 days, or 3 days – as many as you want. Just tell me, or let me know when you’ll come back.”
And these two months, I was more out of the hospital than in. I had learned several friends of a Christian church that had been newly founded in West Islip – or in, yeah, no that was Brentwood – in Brentwood. [The church was in West Islip; perhaps the Day Center was in Brentwood?] And there were 10 people that brought us to a Day Center. And I often talked with these ladies, and they knew that I knew quite a bit about the Bible, for I had learned plenty of the Bible, and I could answer many of the questions she asked me. And so these ladies came and visited me. The doctor had notified these ladies, for they [knew] from the Day Center that these ladies came there, and that’s the way they learned that I was in that hospital.
God was working such wonderful ways! That I was comforted there, and I spent days and nights up in their homes – in different homes. Then, when the two months [were] up, one of these ladies secured a place for me in a rest home, where I have been for the last eight years. In the meantime, I came to their homes and became acquainted with their religion. In the 3 years that I was in this home, these ladies brought us to the Day Center, and sometimes one of the ladies asked the 4 of us blind people, “Wouldn’t you like to come to our church on some Sunday? I’ll see that you’re back home in time for dinner.” And we all said, “Well, yes, that would be nice.”
But then I was troubled. That was before my conversion. I was troubled. Her name was Kay – Kay Wells – Kay. And the whole day, it troubled me. And then you have told the lady that you would go to her church, and you want nothing to do with that person’s... You don’t believe in anything. You go there under false flag, the people there will think you’ve come to worship, and you are lying to these people. I could not do that. The whole day in the Day Center, I was troubled with that.
On the way home, I was quieter than the others – they were laughing; they had had a good day – and Kay asked me, “How come, Herman, you’re so quiet?”
I said, “Kay, I’m in trouble. I’ll tell you when we come home what it’s about.”
“Okay,” she said.
We came home, she brought the others to their different rooms, and she came to me: “Now Herman, what’s the matter?”
I said, “I promised you that I would come to your church, but I cannot do so. I don’t believe in any of these things, and I cannot go under false flag, Kay, I cannot do it, I will not lie to them, and so I cannot go.”
“Well”, she said, “I’m sorry, but I appreciate your feelings; if that’s the way you feel, I will not force you.”
Okay, so that was my feelings before my conversion. I would not lie to them or pretend – I never pretend. And that’s why my conversion was real – after that. I’ve been so close to God. I attended church – oh, then, yes –
After I came to that home, I still visited these different friends I had made, and one Sunday, as she called for me, I spent the day with them, and I asked her husband, “Do I need any more instruction?”
He said, “No, Herman, you don’t need any more instruction. What is it, you want to be baptized?”
I said, “Yes, that’s what I was going to ask you.”
“Now?” he said.
I said, “Any time.”
And that was 2 o’clock in the afternoon. In the meantime the lady had already been calling up several friends, and about 3 or 4 o’clock in the afternoon, I was baptized, and I became a Christian.
And that is the story of my conversion. I have never missed any service in this church or when the Bible classes are held, and I’ve loved the Lord ever since. And that is the wonderful story that I have to tell. I hope it will be a blessing to you, as it has been to me.
[The youth group sings Without Him, then youth minister Mike Myers asks Herman a question (indistinct). Herman continues.]
Here’s something I learned: that God answers prayer. Even in my agony, when I cried out, always having denied the existence of God, He heard me.
I was born a Roman Catholic, and I was a [...] Catholic. I was altar boy from my 8th 'til my 14th year, serving the priest at the altar daily. And I could touch the golden doors of the tabernacle. I know my Lord Jesus was behind these golden doors, but only the priest could open them. And until my 14th year, I faithfully served God at the altar. [It was my] intention to become a priest and be a missionary. I’d gladly shed my blood for the Lord.
But then I began to go to the library. And there I learned so many facts contrary to the teachings I had been observing, that I had to give up my beloved religion. And at our home, they were all strictly Catholic. Every night at 6 o’clock, the whole family, servants and all, got on their knees to pray the rosary. But that became so… such a habit, I could do part of my homework while answering the prayers. Sometimes [themes?] I could translate, and still answer the prayers.
And so it was not real. I gave up my belief not only in the church, but I began to doubt the existence of God Himself. Not denying God – I couldn’t – how could I deny God? I did not believe that the God I always had worshiped was real. I considered God as a great power –
Bigger than the wind, for I could feel the wind,
Bigger than gravitation - I also could feel gravitation,
Bigger than lightning – a greater power.
For the spark of life I found was not spontaneous; it had to be created, and all the other forces had to be created – they did not come of themselves. So that greater power was considered God – just a force. I could not define that force – I cannot define lightning either. I know the manifestations of all that, but I could not describe them. I was between 16 and 17 years old.
I heard other people say they knew God. How do you know God? How come that I don’t know him? Does God play favorites? Does a Father play favorites with his children, that you know him and I don’t? You say you do the will of God; I would do the will of God if I [knew] Him - not for fear of hell or for gain of heaven; that would be striking a bargain. I would do God’s will like a child does the will of his father – out of love for creating me. But I don’t know Him.
And so I struggled on. I did not want to stay home and be a black sheep among all the lily white sheep, for I would not lie or pretend. So I found a trade. I must find a trade that does not disgrace my family -- not become a [...] and walk around in [...]men’s clothes. So I became a pastry baker – that was rather… okay. You mustn’t forget that in Europe, class distinction at that time was very strict.
In that job, I lived in with the family. So I did not have to stay home – although I was in the same hometown. And in that family – that was a Protestant family – the Bible was read every afternoon at dinner time with the whole family present. A chapter was read every afternoon of the Bible, and I became acquainted with the Bible. For the Bible was a forbidden book in Catholic homes. The average Catholic was not considered able to interpret the Bible; only the priest was able to interpret the Bible, not the average person. I wasn’t even allowed to play with Protestant boys, for they had Bibles in their homes, and I might be contaminated. Well, I was two years in that family, and I learned all about the Bible, which we read twice through.
Still it did not help me. It was 63 years I lived on like that.
Until I became blind, and I had to go to a hospital – Bellevue. But that was a hospital that did not keep long-term patients. I was sent to a state hospital – Central Islip. This is also a hospital mainly for mentally unbalanced people – a mental hospital it is called – that was a state hospital. There I was examined if an operation could cure my blindness. And it was found that wasn’t possible. After about two months observation, I was declared incurable.
Now what to do with me? I was blind; they would not set me out the door and say, “Now go your way” – I had no place to go. (I… forgot tell you that I… had joined the Merchant Marine in these 63 years. And so I had come to America, and I was already 30 years here in America when blindness struck me.) I had acquaintances but not close friends who would take me in. I had been married, but my wife and child had died in childbirth, [...] I had not remarried; I remained single.
And so, finally, a great institution opened up [Burrwood Industrial Home for the Blind]. They came to that hospital to see if any of the 14,000 patients there [were] eligible to enter that home. One had to be in perfect health, and of course, mentally as well. I was only one of the four […] blind people selected to go to this home. And I stayed there for 3 years and 3 months. But I could not adjust myself to group living. And I wanted to be in a home where I could live my own life. Like “we all go walking” or “we all do this” or “we all do that” – I had always been independent, and now that was difficult for me.
I came to what I thought was a rest home, but it turned out to be a nursing home. And for 3 years, I was in that nursing home. But I stated right from the beginning that I considered myself not a patient – just a resident. I would not have a medical record, I would not be attended by a doctor, etc., and that already was contrary to the institution. Always it was a little difficult with these people – a nursing home. And so the proprietor wanted to get rid of me after 3 years.
It was the 31st of May, 1963 – no, 1966 – I had been 3 years in that home. After 6 o’clock, after supper, and I heard there was a double header of the baseball team – the Yankees and some other team – and I was going to listen to that. I lay on top of my bed in my pajamas, listening to the ball game, when a knock on the door caught my attention. And there was a doctor.
He said, “How are you?”
I said, “I feel fine. What is it you want doctor? You know I’m not your patient.”
“Well,” he said, “I just want to know how you are.”
I said, “I feel just fine. Will you leave and close the door, please. I’m listening to the ball game.”
He went away…15 minutes later, a nurse comes in – the night nurse, with two male attendants. I said, “What is all this? I’m listening to the ball game. I don’t want no disturbance. I want no nurse. I didn’t ask for anything.”
“I came to give you an injection,” she said.
“An injection?! What for?”
“To calm you down,” she said.
I said, “Get out of here. I don’t need no calming down. I’m listening to the ball game. What’s the matter with you?”
But these men get a hold of me, they gave me an injection, and they put a straitjacket on me – tied my arms behind me, and I was rushed out the back way to that mental hospital. That drug would have to work, and I was so excited, I didn’t know what to do -- what was the matter? In my pajamas, I sat in that car, only my cane – that’s all I had. I came to that hospital, they registered me, and they put me to bed.
And there I lay in my agony, abandoned, I felt, by everybody. How would my friends know I was there? I was in such agony in that bed with the gates all up, I couldn’t even climb out. I was in the mental hospital! In my agony, I did not know which way to turn! How was I, a sane person, in a mental hospital, doors all locked behind me, and in my agony, I cried out, that if there is God, then now help me! I cried out… and then came calm.
I said, “God’s here.” I became calm and began to recognize then that there was a God. Then I knew there was a God. I felt calm. After all that agony, all of a sudden, a peace came over me I had never known. In all these 63 years, all this doubting, always not knowing which was which, and now I knew. I had rest. I slept good that night, and in the morning, I was allowed to […] corridor, and somebody called my name.
I said, “Who is this?”
“I’m the doctor,” he said, “who examined you several years ago. I saw your name on the list of incoming patients, and I wondered how you came here.”
I said, “Doctor, I was railroaded here.”
“Come in my office,” he said, “and tell me all about it.”
I told him all that had occurred to me, that that woman had railroaded me in that mental hospital -- out of anger, to get rid of me. Remember, that was at 6 o’clock on the 31st of May – six more hours, and a new month would begin, and she would have to keep me for another month. She was clever.
“Yes,” he said, “I understand. But wait ‘til Medicare comes in, Mr. van Dyck, and the [...]. Now, I want you to sign this paper. You don’t have to.”
I said, “What does it signify, doctor?”
He said, “You trust me?
I said, “Absolutely.”
“Have I ever lied to you?”
“No,” I said. I said, “I have never lied to you, doctor.”
“I know,” he said, “that’s why I want you to sign this paper. It signifies that you have committed yourself, and now you can go out in two months. And you have the freedom of the place. You are not my patient,” he said, “you are my guest.” God was working for me now. God was working – how I felt that! You understand? “You can go out for 10 days,” he said, “or 5 days, or 3 days – as many as you want. Just tell me, or let me know when you’ll come back.”
And these two months, I was more out of the hospital than in. I had learned several friends of a Christian church that had been newly founded in West Islip – or in, yeah, no that was Brentwood – in Brentwood. [The church was in West Islip; perhaps the Day Center was in Brentwood?] And there were 10 people that brought us to a Day Center. And I often talked with these ladies, and they knew that I knew quite a bit about the Bible, for I had learned plenty of the Bible, and I could answer many of the questions she asked me. And so these ladies came and visited me. The doctor had notified these ladies, for they [knew] from the Day Center that these ladies came there, and that’s the way they learned that I was in that hospital.
God was working such wonderful ways! That I was comforted there, and I spent days and nights up in their homes – in different homes. Then, when the two months [were] up, one of these ladies secured a place for me in a rest home, where I have been for the last eight years. In the meantime, I came to their homes and became acquainted with their religion. In the 3 years that I was in this home, these ladies brought us to the Day Center, and sometimes one of the ladies asked the 4 of us blind people, “Wouldn’t you like to come to our church on some Sunday? I’ll see that you’re back home in time for dinner.” And we all said, “Well, yes, that would be nice.”
But then I was troubled. That was before my conversion. I was troubled. Her name was Kay – Kay Wells – Kay. And the whole day, it troubled me. And then you have told the lady that you would go to her church, and you want nothing to do with that person’s... You don’t believe in anything. You go there under false flag, the people there will think you’ve come to worship, and you are lying to these people. I could not do that. The whole day in the Day Center, I was troubled with that.
On the way home, I was quieter than the others – they were laughing; they had had a good day – and Kay asked me, “How come, Herman, you’re so quiet?”
I said, “Kay, I’m in trouble. I’ll tell you when we come home what it’s about.”
“Okay,” she said.
We came home, she brought the others to their different rooms, and she came to me: “Now Herman, what’s the matter?”
I said, “I promised you that I would come to your church, but I cannot do so. I don’t believe in any of these things, and I cannot go under false flag, Kay, I cannot do it, I will not lie to them, and so I cannot go.”
“Well”, she said, “I’m sorry, but I appreciate your feelings; if that’s the way you feel, I will not force you.”
Okay, so that was my feelings before my conversion. I would not lie to them or pretend – I never pretend. And that’s why my conversion was real – after that. I’ve been so close to God. I attended church – oh, then, yes –
After I came to that home, I still visited these different friends I had made, and one Sunday, as she called for me, I spent the day with them, and I asked her husband, “Do I need any more instruction?”
He said, “No, Herman, you don’t need any more instruction. What is it, you want to be baptized?”
I said, “Yes, that’s what I was going to ask you.”
“Now?” he said.
I said, “Any time.”
And that was 2 o’clock in the afternoon. In the meantime the lady had already been calling up several friends, and about 3 or 4 o’clock in the afternoon, I was baptized, and I became a Christian.
And that is the story of my conversion. I have never missed any service in this church or when the Bible classes are held, and I’ve loved the Lord ever since. And that is the wonderful story that I have to tell. I hope it will be a blessing to you, as it has been to me.
[The youth group sings Without Him, then youth minister Mike Myers asks Herman a question (indistinct). Herman continues.]
Here’s something I learned: that God answers prayer. Even in my agony, when I cried out, always having denied the existence of God, He heard me.